Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - June 2006

01/06/06  ||  Global Domination

Yyrkoon: Unhealthy opera

6.7 /10

Lord K: Not as goddamn sucky as their name might suggest. Pretty decent modern-metal, the kind of metal we are all so fucken bored with nowadays. Their grab on brutality is a little stronger than the general modern metal shit-band though, and that’s a good thing. Just not enough for me to being close to worshipping them. But Yyrkoon is definitely quality, though I seriously hope they never get a break with a name like that. 7

Ripper Bendix: Not too shabby, not too overwhelming, but with a nice dose of kick-ass impressing me just enough to raise the score one point. 5

Rafal: If all young death metal bands were like Yyrkoon, I would have an instant hard-on. They might play in a lower league but it be damned if this is not a good piece of full-on metal. One more album like this and I will be praising them. 8

Desert Eagle: I was pleasantly surprised I must say. I was fully expecting to really hate this band, but it turned out to be some pretty tasty death. Not exactly a filet mignon, but a good ribeye. 8

Syrrok: I was surprised at flashes of strength on this bird-fest, considering the album-name rings of Yngwie and Savatage. I can feel the groove at times. You mind say this is the Tijuana Diamond in the roughest batch of AA on record. 5

The Abyss: French death that may take some (ok, numerous) cues from bands like Nile and Zyklon, but when it sounds this groovy and enthusiastic I can’t help but applaud them. There’s a hunger for world domination here that may explain the Cthuhluh-theme of the album, but whatever. Now I’m just waiting for the Yyrkoon/Gojira/Gorod world tour!! 7

Necrophobic: Hrimthursum

5.7 /10

Lord K: I never thought Necrophobic would stray for a second from their concept musically. But fuck me with an action-figure, they have improved and made this album interesting to listen to. Clever arrangements, killer-vocals and catchy riffs all over the place. Fine-as-fuck death/black metal. This rounds winner for me. 8

Ripper Bendix: The phrasing of the first song is almost exactly as Slayer’s “Black Magic”, I swear to fucken baby Jesus who’s slaughtering is being advertised in this album’s three-minute fucken intro (who in his right mind starts off with a three minute intro, damn!). The musicianship is excellent, as should be expected from a band that’s been around as long as Necrophobic. Je ne sais quoi is missing here, though. 5

Rafal: What a fuckin’ blast of an album! Necrophobic are back with the best disc of their entire career. Yes, I’m aware of what I just said. If you do not know them, you know nothing about Swedish death metal. 8

Desert Eagle: Can well all agree that the prefix “Necro” has been milked for all it’s worth? That tittie is shrivled beyond recognition at this point. I guess I’d still suckle on it a little bit though. It’s still a tittie after all. This band sucks though. Thought you’d like to know. 3

Syrrok: So, these guys fuck the dead? That can’t be too much fun in the ol’ tour-bus after gigs. ” – Hey Sarcaufagus, great show! Wanna go down to the pub and get some beers in? No? You’re just gonna stay here and stick yer necro-penis in the eye-socket of a corpse? Cool, falcon out!”. That was me being funny. The tunes on this hawk-drama are performed well enough, but they give us nothing that any band at the “Italy Treedoom deathfest” festival this upcoming July 21-23 do. 3

The Abyss: Necrophobic’s been at it for many years now and have, like Dismember, always remained reliable and safe. But with this latest album the band has really upped the ante and recorded a sharp, lethal, spear of an album. Death/black with just the right amount of brutality, melody, and speed to make it catchy as fuck and still be a behemoth heaviness. 7

Taedeat: Quademonium

5 /10

Lord K: AA-colleague Abyss has been raving about this band and I have yet to find out why. Death metal with no suprises and decent vocals. 5

Ripper Bendix: What the shit is a fucken “Quademonium”? A four-legged demon? Whatever. Oldschooly thrashy stuff that rocks my ass. 6

Rafal: Fast death/thrash metal with black shades and sloppy (but do not take it as a flaw!) production. I dig it and everyone who is into bands like The Crown, and even Naglfar, should buy it on spec. 7

Desert Eagle: Making up words that are palindromes is probably the lamest thing ever. Almost as lame as making an album where all the songs sound the same. 2

Syrrok: This album is as much fun as a parking-ticket. Death metal done completely incorrectly. 2

The Abyss: I’ve already talked at lengths about this band and I’m happy to say that two months later it still sounds as fresh and vicious to my ears as before. A healthy mix of Dimension Zero, Naglfar, and perhaps Behemoth, with tons of cleverly inserted hooks to keep your attention. 8

Neaera: Let the tempest come

4.8 /10

Lord K: In Flames called. At The Gates called. They want their sound back. Oh, and the snare called as well. He wants to be higher in the mix. Originality called just now, he wants in the band. 4

Ripper Bendix: Simply put: in the vein of In Flames and Children Of Bodom, and not too shabby. Rocks quite okay but is not outstanding enough to make me all sweaty and stuff. 6

Rafal: It’s funny how Germans try to be good at death metal. So far, they have failed on every occasion. Neaera have huge ambitions, they are musically competent, but they have a thousand of crooked miles ahead on their way. Not bad, not bad. 6

Desert Eagle: Wow, that singer needs to SHUT UP. This band is almost completely ruined by a horrible singer. For all you whining about me not saying what genre each band is, then this band is fucken smooth jazz. Don’t believe me? Then listen to it yourself, idiot. 6

Syrrok: Alright! Finally a disc that can be thrown on at Sunday brunch with confidence. Hash Browns ain’t got shit on this album. Seriously (not seriously, but as serious as I get), the riffs and music for the most part kick ass. Lets just leave the vocals out of it. Don’t they have programs now that can eliminate vocals from tracks? That would be helpful here. Albatross kills the snake. 4

The Abyss: Americanized version of Gothenburg-death, from Germany. What more do you need to know? Oh yeah, totally unoriginal but it could’ve sucked even harder… be thankful. Just don’t encourage them by buying the album. 3

Setherial: Death triumphant

4.7 /10

Lord K: A new experience to me, this band. Definitely better than what I thought. Setherial’s kind of black metal/death metal is ok with me. Not as fast as Dark Funeral, not as catchy as Naglfar, but still a decent listen. The Zyklon-vibes I get here and there is definitely a plus. 6

Ripper Bendix: Well, this band used to be better, eh? Most of this album goes by unnoticed and the whole deal gets a bit taxing in the long run. 4

Rafal: Mixing up brutality and melody at a fast pace is nothing terribly new but it always makes my head bang. Setherial have mastered the ability to produce catchy black metal tunes and that’s what counts for me. 7

Desert Eagle: For a second there I almost reviewed this band thinking they were Apostasy. But they’re not. They’re Setherial. You might think they’re the same but somehow, they’re not. I’m not exactly sure how. BLACK METAL!!! 4

Syrrok: PUT YOUR COMBINED CONSTRUCTION-WORKER SALARIES TOGETHER AND RENT A FUCKEN STUDIO! Sad stork. 2

The Abyss: In the land of “We stand still”, Setherial has been an well-known face for years. They still play the same Norwegian-style black metal as in the beginning, with the exception now that the ideas seem to run a little empty. Not a bad album but in no way a match of “Nord”. 5

Cult of Luna: Somewhere along the highway

4.7 /10

Lord K: I once saw this band live. I can’t remember shit about that evening. I had this album in my mp3-player a few days ago, and I still have to understand why I did that to myself. Over-pretentious fucken bullshit that makes me fall asleep. It’s not special to be retarded. 3

Ripper Bendix: Hypnotic, mesmerizing, a bastard between Spiritual Beggars and Type-O. Not really terribly exciting stuff and definitely nothing to get fucken excited over. Quite the contrary actually! I am basically typing this while sleepwalking. 4

Rafal: Though the pace here is mostly slow, there are loads of serious moments in which the band can actually groove. I have always been a fan of doom/drone metal and with an album like this one, I will remain devoted to this genre forever. Cool shit. 8

Desert Eagle: This cult should go right ahead and drink the fruit punch before they make another album like this. 2

Syrrok: They wrote a song about birds on this one, “and with her came the birds”. Unfortunately what also came with her was boring metal. I’m so sad. This album is a frowny face :( times falcon. 3

The Abyss: I have a lengthier review coming up soon (on June 8th to be exact), but let me just briefly sum it up like this: “Somewhere along the highway” is the perfect mix of “The Beyond” and “Salvation” and has achieved a nice balance between soft Sigur Ros-like ambience and harsh monolithic tsunamis of distorted force. Lovely. 8

Dissection: Reinkaos

4.3 /10

Lord K: Well, it didn’t turn out to be what everyone hoped for in the end, did it? This one is a grower though. There’s nothing remotely evil about the music anymore, that atmosphere is gone. But Dissection’s definitely got the arrangements and moody riffs in order for me to like it enough. 7

Ripper Bendix: SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Boring as fuck and not worth the bytes it takes to write this review. 1

Rafal: Dissection’s new face ain’t surprising nor original. But it’s damn tight and well-played death/black metal with a lot of heavy metal passages thrown in the lines. It might not be as good as their older stuff, but I can’t say anything humiliating about it. 7

Desert Eagle: Damn, this band that sounds like a million others broke up. Oh wait, I guess that means I could just listen to one of those other ones. Yeah! You can’t see it but I’m rocking out right now. To a different band, not Dissection. 5

Syrrok: Like a Kestrel Owl descending on a rabbit, Dissection’s latest mimics this great bird’s dive-bomb towards the earth with force and precision. The difference you ask? The Kester Owl eats the rabbit, Dissection can’t afford their studio rent. Pretty boring stuff. 4

The Abyss: Never been a fan of Dissection and this so called “new” era has only offered a crappy MCD and an even worse album. I think Jon has crawled so far up his own ass in search of Gnosticism (that means knowledge, I just read it on a website) that he’s forgotten how to make music. The drums are WAY too happy and dancable, the guitars are simplistic nu-metal bullshit at best (with the exception of the solos/melodies, which makes Dissection sound like an In Flames-copy) and the vocals are just meh. The lyrics may be accurate and insightful, but the delivery and vocal-patterns do not fit the music, thus making it sound amateurish, at best. 2

Deranged: Obscenities in b-flat

4.2 /10

Lord K: Well, the vocals are definitely hearable, if you get my drift. Death metal that is dirty, ugly and quite bad. The drum-arrangements irritates the fuck out of me. I hate those kind of “blasts”. Actually, I don’t think I’ll ever listen to Deranged again thanx to that. 3

Ripper Bendix: Fuck, I was looking forward to slamming this fucken album. With songtitles like “I torture, rape, cum and kill” you’re kinda asking for the “ha, ha, bög!” award. CURRRSE YOU for denying me this pleasure! That’s actually pretty nice shit here. 5

Rafal: Swedish brutal death metal with fucked-up tempo changes, you all have heard it before. Heavy, strong as fuck, but boring. 6

Desert Eagle: That’s it? I’ve heard lower, you guys. Other than that, it’s really just the same old death. Good for a quick fix. Like black tar heroin. 6

Syrrok: I can totally tell this shit is in b-flat. So it works! The band’s girlfriends no doubt helped them write this album. I bet they went down to the 7-11 and kept the supply of Hawaiian Punch and Zingers at a maximum. Deranged needed maximum ENERGY while writing this noise-laden dump-disk in their best friend’s basement. 2

The Abyss: Some kind of semi-slow death. Does absolutely nothing for me. 3

Aurora Borealis: Relinquish

4 /10

Lord K: One of the suckiest bands around returns. And this time they don’t even suck, to mine and everyone elses fucken suprise. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t exactly rule shit either, but this is a step up from their latest shit-disc. I would have shot someone if it was a step down from that one, I might add. Despite a quite terrible production there’s alot of melody and thrash/black/death metal to be found. I can still do without them though. 4

Ripper Bendix: Damn, this shit is fucken awesome. Starts off with a neat Slayer-esque riff, grabs you by the balls and drags you somewhere dreadful. More of this, pretty please? 9

Rafal: Funny band, really. Their songwriting is below average, not to say childish, and they sound as if they were hidden under a blanket. Black metal of utter-shit quality. The only good thing about it is the drumming performed by Tony Laureano, and for that they get a 3

Desert Eagle: I really hope someone was paid some serious cash to include this album in this AA. Actually I take it back. That would make it even more sad since I’m sure this shit is going to get torn to pieces, or at least it should. So, if they paid to have their album ripped a new asshole, then they must be masochists. You know, because they enjoy pain. 3

Syrrok: I hope this doesn’t pass for black metal these days, or we’re all fucked. Combine the boring progressions, the normal screeching, and the ‘Chysler LaBaron’ production and you’ve got a piece of music worthy of Ricky Martin’s iPod. 2

The Abyss: Fast black metal with boring vocals. The drumming is skillfull (it’s fucking Tony Laureno) but sometimes I feel like he’s going overboard with the fills. Or maybe I have just listened to too much Darkthrone, I don’t know. A big minus for the production, the balance between instruments are fine but they’re all buried in a blanket of bass-muffle. All in all, this is pretty mediocre stuff. 3

Sick Of It All: Death to tyrants

4 /10

Lord K: Veterans in the scene. Definitely newbies when it comes to writing good music. I fucken hate hardcore. All kinds of it. 2

Ripper Bendix: Talking about SOIA is a bit redundant. You heard one, you heard them all. Either you are a fan, or not. I am not. 3

Rafal: It works on me. It grooves. It moves my cock beyond any direction. Fuckin’ Sick of it All, I didn’t expect they would blow me away with their hardcore/crossover. Let’s celebrate the “we don’t give a fuck”-message with them. 8

Desert Eagle: You’re telling ME! 1

Syrrok: It’s a race to see which staff-member can twist around the name of this band to represent their feeling about this album. I’m not gonna do it. Instead I’m going to tell you a story about the mating rituals of vultures. Surprisingly, they’re not much different than Kerry King. ” – Lets celebrate that we don’t give a fuck!”. Best line of the album, it made me listen twice. Other than that, just more bro hardcore-garbage. 4

The Abyss: The old hardcore-geriatricas are back to bore us to…. no wait, this is actually pretty lively and energetic. Nice. SOIA sounds like they always do, NY Hardcore, but it sounds good and I can’t help but like it. 6

Apiary: Lost in focus

3.8 /10

Lord K: Cool sub-bass hits here and there won’t help the poor fucken material, stolen from Meshuggah and the likes. This is more boring than staring at Luke Skywalker’s pants for 2000 years. The score is for effort. Only. 4

Ripper Bendix: Meh. 4

Rafal: I feel sorry for these fuckers since they don’t hit my home in any way. Messy metalcore is what the guys do but they can’t play for shit. My goodness, it’s a metal kindergarten for retards. 2

Desert Eagle: These guys wish the were The Ocean. But they’re not. Too bad. 5

Syrrok: I wish the band was called Aviary cuz then I could talk about birds of prey, and their undeniable influence on the metal-scene. Like Bruce Dickinson, now that guy’s an eagle. Falling from the factory, here is ‘Dillinger Escape Plan’ fart-noise. Apiary string together a few more coherant riffs, but it’s mostly just the leftover cheese at the bottom of your nachos. 3

The Abyss: Technical mathcore taking clear inspirations from DEP and Meshuggah. Competent and tight, but unlike fellow newcomers, like Crowpath, the songs on “Lost in focus” just doesn’t grab me. 5

She Said Destroy: Time like vines

3.7 /10

Lord K: She said destroy, I said fuck off. 3

Ripper Bendix: She said destroy, I say goodnight. 2

Rafal: Wanted to say “get the fuck out of my stereo” but I think it would be too many words to waste on these death metal wannabes. 4

Desert Eagle: If I had to describe them in one word it would be: abrasive. Hey, I should do all my reviews like that! 7

Syrrok: I hope this band tours with Apiary and hires Great White’s pyro-supervisor. 2 ( Note by the Lord: Ouch, haha… )

The Abyss: First of all: change the fucking name. Second of all: I don’t know what label to put on your music but keep doing it, it’s got some death, some post-HC and something epic. And then there’s about 5 other genres I guess would fit here and there. Cool stuff actually, but for God’s sake, the name has to go! 6

Mystic Circle: The bloody path of god

3.7 /10

Lord K: I’m curious: Exactly how fucken mystic can a circle be? I always wondered about that. “Hello James Hetfield, wanna see my mystic circle?”. That is just so wrong. Frog-vocals together with black metal riffing and growls. Keyboards and cellos and shit added for creepy atmosphere. There’s the concept, if you just add a bad production to it. 4

Ripper Bendix: Haven’t followed these fuckers for a few years so I have no idea when they decided to put more attention on their guitars instead of the candy keyboards, but I must say that this stuff kicks way more ass than I remembered. Call me crazy, but I like it! 7

Rafal: Black metal clowns number 1. They have always been far away behind the backs of other bands, copying old riffs and throwing some infantile, unoriginal motifs surrounded by a decent production. It’s good for 5 minutes, then it blends into one, grey pile of shit. 4

Desert Eagle: Sounds like the same t-shirt that produced Beheaded’s album was brought back to produce this bad boy. Only, the shirt got a little mangled by all the homeless people that slept in it. And by homeless people I mean the bandmembers of Beheaded. 2

Syrrok: Everyone loves triggered, uninspired, piss-tasting metal, right? I cannot think of one damn Kristy Yamaguchi’n redeeming thing to say about this band. 1

The Abyss: Death metal with some metalcorish flairs I don’t care much for. The guitarwork in general is okay, but compared to Necrophobic and Yyrkoon it becomes obvious that Mystic Circle are still in the little league. 4

Celtic Frost: Monotheist

3.7 /10

Lord K: When will people understand that CF are overrated? I’m not stroking my willie with any of their albums, and this one will not have that pleasure either. Is it a grand return? Is it the best thing since peanut-butter? Or is it just a boring fucken album, recorded and performed by old farts who should have quit 600 years ago? I vote the latter. 3

Ripper Bendix: As useless, superfluous and boring this stuff might be, I still expected worse. 4

Rafal: Warrior hasn’t yet taped his balls back and therefore his ship called “Celtic Frost – the comeback” is sinking very fast. I wish I had not listened to this poor excuse of an album. 3

Desert Eagle: It amazes me that this band has the following that they do. They have always sucked, and they will continue to do so. This album changes nothing. It’s still the same shit. Although the last song is pretty nice. 3

Syrrok: I tried playing this one REALLY LOUD, just to see if it was better at sonic levels I was unaware of. From listening to these fuckfaces lately, people just don’t “get it” with this new release. Yeah, always the most metal move of all: when yer shit sucks, go after the people listening to it. To be honest, I don’t even know if Celtic Frost has done that, but it doesn’t matter much. If this is a comeback then LL cool J was right when he said “don’t call it a comeback 2

The Abyss: CF has always been a “love or hate” -band, but so far I seem to have landed somewhere in between. I like some songs of them and I think some are crap. But on “Monotheist” the stakes are raised and taken to the extremes, and I love it! There’s a Neurosis-quality in the slow grinding passages that I just can’t resist, and a sense of looming darkness on the album that is perfect for solitary contemplation. 7

Fuelblooded: Inflict the inevitable

3.5 /10

Lord K: I get some Testament-vibes from this at times. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing since Testament’s been sucking for a while. It’s thrashy and blessed with a decent production, so listening to it ain’t all that boring. But you’ll never see me streak across the street in joy over Fuelblooded. Oh man, that is one sucky name for a metal-band. 5

Ripper Bendix: Not too good, not too bad. Sounds a bit weird at times because the singer and the rhythm-section seem to hate each other. Sounds like a mix between Soilwork, Metallica and mashed potatoes from Sentenced’s backstage-catering. 4

Rafal: Melodic death metal of the 2nd league. I’m fed up with these run-of-the-mill sounds and off-key clean vocals that pop up here every now and then. It’s poor music for poor people. 3

Desert Eagle: Is it just me or does this sound exactly like that new Dissection I just listened to? I was tempted to just copy and paste the same comment and use it for this one but I have more integrity than that. Instead I wasted all this space with useless fluff. Ahhh, fluff… 4

Syrrok: Throw this in the pile with all the “Bleeding Through” -type bands. I pray to the sweet sexy Hawk-gods that this metal-style finds its end before I turn 29. I’ll let all these “Throwdown” bands enjoy their summers but by next winter they should be banished to the fucken forest so they can become true metal and drop this “posturing-metal”. 3

The Abyss: I got 4 songs into this bullshit before I realized that I still wasn’t listening to the first track. That’s how exciting they were. 2